Through the youthful
looking glass
Feature...
It is a beautiful sunny afternoon and I.m
having coffee on the veranda of Zest
Restrobar in Port Elizabeth. I glance down to
my notes and see the piece of paper given
to me by the young mother on campus I
approached for the interview on teenage
pregnancy a week before. There is a name
and telephone number on the paper. As I
flip the page over, I note for the first time
since it.s been in my possession that on the
back is a Nelson Mandela Metropolitan
University.s Public Relations timetable for the
term.s classes. Little arrows and lines
indicate changes and cancellations of
modules and times. For a moment, I stop
and start to analyse the scribbles almost as if
to find the link between them and the
person who made them at the same time
imagining what emotion or thought went
through the owner of these scribbles as she
was jotting them down.
My train of thought is interrupted by the
sliding door opening to the restaurant and
out comes the person I have been waiting
for. She smiles politely and thanks the waiter
for showing her to my table. I get up to
shake the fair-skinned, redhead.s hand and
we sit down to start the interview for the
feature you are about to read.
“I know what you think,” she says as I signal
to the waiter for two more coffees. “And
what am I thinking?” I ask, focusing on the
face in front of me as she lights up a long
slim cigarette. She starts by telling me that
she was sixteen in 2008 when she had her
son, Jordan who turned four in January this
year. I notice a sparkle in her eyes while she
tells me his name and age. I have to
wonder though, how does a sixteen year
old even begin to conceptualize preparing
for motherhood when she has things like
final exams, peers and searching for her
own identity to worry about. “I never even
wanted children,” she says and continues,
“All my friends in high school used to go on
about how many kids they imagine they.d
have and with which rugby jock they.d get
married to someday, but the only thing on
my mind was to which countries I.d most like
to travel to and of the endless list of great
things I set out to achieve in the world; none
of which involved settling down and having
kids.”
“Imagine not only being „the new
girl. at school but adding the label
of „the one with a child. to that.”
She tells me of how she.s always noticed
being different from her peers in the ways
she thought and perceived things and even
of how she was treated by others as a child.
She pauses and then says “There.s a rhyme
written for each day of the week describing
a person born on that day. Mine, however,
couldn.t have been more wrong. I was born
on a Monday and according to this rhyme
Monday.s child is fair of face. I remember
being teased and taunted during my entire
time in primary school about my red hair,
pale skin and freckles. It is something I will
obviously never forget, not because of a
grudge or painful memories, but rather the
qualities and elements it instilled into my
character and the stronger person I am
today because of that.”
She used to be a ballerina and from a
young age she dreamt of becoming a
famous dancer like Margot Fonteyn. She
had to give up that dream when she fell
pregnant in 2007. Jordan was born in the
beginning of her matric year before she, her
single mother and two younger siblings
moved down to the Eastern Cape. “I kept
him a secret from everyone. I lied about
who he was to friends that came over to my
house and only told my best friend that he
was my son after about 2 months into the
year at my new high school.” She further
recalls that only after her final exams she
made it known to everyone what the real
situation was. “People were quite shocked,
but I was even more surprised that no one
rejected me as a friend because of that. I
remember how they all said to me that I
should.ve told them earlier because they
would all have supported me. However, I
know that realistically this might not have
been the case. People and especially
teenagers can be extremely prejudiced. I
wanted them get to know me for who I was.
Imagine not only being „the new girl. at
school but adding the label of „the one with
a child. to that. I didn.t want things to be
more difficult than what they already were
for us.”
Her mother and father were separated just
a year prior to when they moved in 2008.
She tells me how difficult it was telling her
parents of her pregnancy but that they
accepted it and immediately supported her
decision to keep her child. It became clear
that with the strong support system she had,
and still has, the situation of her and her
child could.ve been much more difficult
than what it was mainly thanks to the
commitment and love from her mother, her
father.s financial aid and the unconditional
love from her boyfriend, Alexander. “It was
because of all the help I received from
loved ones that I could carry on chasing my
dreams. I love being on stage.” Her life on
stage started at age 5 when she recited her
first poem at a regional eisteddfod. She
began singing and dancing around the
same age and took part in the local
Showtime production in 2009. She also
recently started performing at the
Boardwalk casino in her free time. Realizing
that her career as a performer would
possibly delay her financial independence,
she applied to study Public Relations and
was accepted to do so this year. She still
continues to do live performances with her
sister, Megan with every opportunity she
gets to do so. “I have finally found my
dream career apart from performing. It is
something I am passionate about. I was
elected onto the sub executive committee
for the PR society at varsity and it has been
somewhat of a personal achievement for
me since it means I am in fact able to juggle
time with my son, studies, a part time job
and a responsibility such as being on the
sub-executives. committee.”
It seems as though she is driven and even
more motivated to succeed by the
realisation that she needs to provide the
best life possible for her son. As nature would
have it, her own aspirations have been
replaced and have become centred on her
son. “He has been a blessing and a real
miracle to my existence. I am not like any
other twenty-one year old; my priority and
responsibility is towards him. Everything I set
out to do in my life has become focused to
benefit both of us. I feel as if I might even be
ahead of my peers on a maturity level and
with life experience.” Things like going out
with friends and the normal behaviour of a
student her age has no relevance in her life
and she prefers it that way. The gift she has
been given in the form of her son has given
purpose and meaning to her life.
Without any regrets she is adamant in raising
him with high morals and values and she
believes that he will someday realise that
and be just as passionate and driven in life
as she is.
Whatever idea I had prior to this interview
about teenage parenthood and the
disillusion that it is an absolute disaster to all
those involved, has now disintegrated. In
front of me is a young woman, strong if not
stronger because of this challenge, wise if
not wiser because of motherhood and
pretty much just as fine or even better off
than others her age. It is apparent that the
stigma attached to young, single mothers in
South Africa has finally come to an end.
After speaking to this young mother for
merely half an hour, I realize that perhaps
we might be ready to witness a paradigm
shift in how young mothers are becoming
more fit and able to adapt in society.
The era of thinking that these young ladies
aren.t morally fit to raise children is over. The
acceptance of this reality can be left to
each person to debate for themselves. I am
convinced that the only difference
between the girl I am interviewing today
and a lady of thirty who both have children
is a university degree and eight years work
experience.
After having met Margot van Wyk, I am able
to connect a young mothering soul to the
scribbles I was analysing earlier. She
possesses a soul moulded and chiselled by
the challenges of young motherhood, but
definitely not broken.
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